Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
