i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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