you guys were way drunker than both of me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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