I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
