She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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