i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
