return my video game
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
