Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
