OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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