I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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