We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
