it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
