Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
