Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
