I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
