Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize