using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
