remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
