Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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