ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
