I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
