You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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