Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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