She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
