Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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