So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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