Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she smelled like a LAN party
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
