she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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