Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
