need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
