I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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