Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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