party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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