you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
