Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
