Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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