i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
