Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
