If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
