We're facebook friends in real life
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
