no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My ass is underappreciated
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