I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
