where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
