You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
