you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
