I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
