what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When are your genitals available?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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