my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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