We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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