i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
