You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
