the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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