Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
