His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
