its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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