yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
