i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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