Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
