just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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