Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
