If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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