I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
