He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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