Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize