I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
