haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
