yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
