just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
