you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
