dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize