I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
