Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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